I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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