Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
did i just pee glitter
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
