I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
this is an emotional support booty call
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Drunk is a universal language darling
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