i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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