I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
