What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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