You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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