Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
