just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
