I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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