I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Rumble strips road head = magical
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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