Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
