remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
