New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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