I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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