i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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