sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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