I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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