mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
