you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
