my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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