Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
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What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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