Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
