i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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