Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
