We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
