Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
