I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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