Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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