idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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