Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
