Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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