My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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