btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
