Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
