first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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