you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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