Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We got so high we made milksteak
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
