just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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