Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is my gift to your gina
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
