did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
