evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
