I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
