maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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