I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
