I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
