R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
