what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
