He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
