were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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