Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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