we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
