you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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