I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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