I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
