omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That accounts for only three of the penises
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
