I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
