i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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