so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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