Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
