he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
