Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
