why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
