I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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