do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
