He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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