last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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