I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you had me at cake vodka
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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