pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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