I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
