just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
