I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
