Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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