How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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