I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
