It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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