I'm really into asian looking animals
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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