Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
